Appreciation or Judgment?

I’m a little nervous about moving from Central Denver to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. My neighborhood in Central Denver, Park Hill, is one of the oldest intentionally integrated neighborhoods in the country. My neighbors are diverse and interesting. People in Park Hill have a sense of community.

We’re moving to Myrtle Beach not to retire but to be close to my mom. We want to enjoy time with her now, while she’s well, and be there when she needs more help. After living in a dry climate without a lot of bugs, I’m not looking forward to living with both of these things in South Carolina. Time with mom, however, trumps humidity and bugs.

What makes me nervous about moving to South Carolina is more about culture than weather. Last year, when we visited for Thanksgiving, I read about a heated debate going on between people who thought the Confederate flag should be flown over the statehouse and those who didn’t.

My mom lives in a nice, middle class neighborhood and we want to live either in that neighborhood or close by. I’ve noticed several Confederate flags flying in that neighborhood. I don’t know what the Confederate flag means to those who fly it, but I know what it means to me, and it’s not a good association.

Although I have real concerns about our South Carolina move, I must remember the principle that we get more of what we focus our energy and attention on. I could choose to focus on all the things that make me nervous about living in South Carolina. Or I can focus on what I appreciate.

While there in June, I noticed a driver stop on a busy street, with a long line of cars behind him, to let a car pull out that had been waiting for an opening in traffic to turn onto that main street. Whenever I walk in mom’s neighborhood, people always wave as they drive.

The ocean has always been a place where I feel peaceful and inspired and we would live less than a mile from the water. And of course the main reason we’re moving, time with mom. I love the thought that I can call her anytime and say “Mom, we’re putting something on the grill, come over for dinner.” She’s healthy but has lost a lot of weight. She doesn’t enjoy cooking just for herself and eating alone. I don’t blame her.

I have a choice—focus on what I appreciate about living in Myrtle Beach or focus on what gives me agita. To the degree I focus on the benefits of living there, I cannot at the same time focus on what I don’t like.

My choice is to focus on what I appreciate. We may not stay there forever, but while we’re there, I’ll appreciate our new home.

What have you noticed about the power of focusing your attention on what you appreciate?