My neighbor Reola’s garden got trampled last fall. A huge basement remodel resulted in workers walking through her 20’x3’garden as they did their work. I watched the process through my home office window which faces the side of her house.
Not being a great gardener myself, I loved the fullness and variety of her garden, with lilies and ground cover and colorful plants whose names aren’t in my vocabulary.
It surprised me when this spring, I witnessed Reola watering the trampled garden that still held the carnage of her lilies. I asked her about her watering, as the garden looked dead to me. “They walked through the garden after the flowers lost their blooms,” Reola said . I’m hoping if I deep water the area, they will come back.”
Low and behold, about 80% of her garden returned. I’m happy because I get to enjoy it from my office window!
Watching her garden made me think about resiliency. Her plants contained a resiliency that I didn’t think was possible. I’ve known people like that as well. One man I know lost his job of 13 years because he couldn’t disprove an unjust allegation. Within a month he started his own business without speaking a negative word about the people who caused his dismissal.
An older woman I know lost her beloved spouse of 55 years, her sister and one of her closest friends within 6 months. She maintains a positive attitude and finds ways to continue to enjoy aspects of her life.
A dear friend experienced a layoff and immediately pursued creative projects that she’d put off because of her hectic work schedule. She gave herself a much needed break before pursuing her job search.
What makes some people more resilient than others? Can we learn to be resilient? These are the questions that Reola’s garden and my inspiring friends make me think about. I don’t know the answers.
I do know that as I observe resilient people, it helps me look at myself differently. In areas where I feel frustration or that something isn’t possible, I wonder what the situation would look like if I were more resilient.
It seems that resilience enables someone to take potentially crushing life circumstances and come out stronger. I often see this type of resilience in the women I volunteer with at the Denver Women’s Correctional Facility through the Making Choices program.
There is some truth to the Nietzsche quote “What does not kill me, makes me stronger,” although ultimately it’s a choice to be either made stronger or to feel victimized and disempowered by circumstances.
What do you think makes someone resilient?
